Are you a Survivor or Victor?
I am a victor over a lifetime of chronic trauma. Why do I say victor vs survivor? Survive means to continue to live or exist, especially in spite of danger or hardship vs Victor or Victory means
a person who has overcome or defeated an adversary; conqueror. a winner in any struggle or contest. For me it is more powerful to be a victor over something vs to survive it. I am a winner vs merely existing.
Recently I came across my journals from the most painful time in my life even more painful than the death of my mom when I was 12 and my dad when I was 22. With my mom's death I was so used to numbing my feelings from growing up as the child of alcoholics that I cried when I first learned of her death and then never cried about it again or any of the affects her alcoholism did to me until this time in 2005 when I really hit bottom.
I cried more at my dad's death than I did my mothers but I think it had more to do with now I was really alone. I had not had communication with my sister at that point for 7 years. That was my dad's doing and is a story for another time.
I felt the nudge of the whisper which I call the Holy Spirit to read these journals all the way through. I had come across them many times before and read something here and then but never read them through again. I shared about this on Swahili Sunday here:
In the video I shared a couple of tools to use to turn your thoughts around and help to heal traumas in your life. When I was going through my recovery process of a lifetime of chronic trauma I was getting counseling and going to various 12 step groups for being someone affected by the alcoholism of a family member. Some things cannot be handled without professional help. During this time I was not sleeping, I could not stop crying, I was a mess. I did not do this by myself and I don't suggest you do. It's important to get the right help that will give you some form of progress in a positive direction.
These tools were significant in helping with my recovery towards the peace of mind I have today. One thing I did was the Zig Ziglar Life Changing Procedure (email me for a copy or google it). As I mentioned in the video I heard Zig Ziglar speak in 2005. I thought it was after I started doing to work to recover but as I'm writing this I realize it was before then. I had purchased some of his CD's and listened to them. Inside was a card with the Life Changing Procedure on it. I didn't do anything with it until after August 2005. I don't remember when I did it but I remember thinking - Ha! this will never work, I'm going to do it to prove it won't work.
I have to laugh at myself now for thinking that but glad I did it because it did work. Even thought as I said it, I didn't believe it in my mind, every part of my being heard it and it started to do the work to change the trajectory of my thoughts. I had been told all my life I was a loser, not good and my parents never told me they loved me. I had to learn how to love myself first before I could be loving to anyone else. Give it a go and let me know the results.
Another thing I came across in my journal was something I read maybe in one of Zig's books or an article, I'm not sure but it's powerful as well. If you are still harboring resentment or anger from the people who have hurt you in the past, read this and think about letting those people go.
Zig on Why You are Where You Are
Many years ago as a young, aspiring speaker, I heard an older speaker who was quite philosophical say that you are where you are because thats exactly where you you want to be. I thought about his statement, decided it was the "wisdom of the ages" and verbalized it in my own presentations. Over a period of time, a series of events took place that convinced me that his statement was not true in my case. I was broke, in debt and down in the dumps. I wanted to be prosperous and excited about my future.
It came through loud and clear that I was where I was and what I was because of the decisions and choices I had made in my life. I made those choices based on the information I had, much of which was erroneous. The reality is, if I'm given the wrong directions to go from point A to point B, I'm not going to reach point B unless I change directions. Its equally true that I'm given the wrong directions on how to move from being broke and in debt to being successful and prosperous, I'm not going to end up at the place I want to be.
One important decision you can make even as you read these words is to think about what Thomas Sikking said: "You're not the product of a broken home, a devastated economy, a world in the upheaval of war, a minority group, a family of drunkards or a poverty-ridden neighborhood. You are the product of your own thinking processes and whatever you're thinking about today is the cornerstone of your tomorrow."
If someone else has abused you in the past, it's OK to give them credit fo fouling your past, but do not give them permission to ruin your present and your future. Take control of your thoughts and your future. Determine that you will have a better tomorrow. Make specific plans to do so and I wil SEE YOU AT THE TOP!
I hope this has been helpful. Would love to hear your thoughts in the comments. The Power is in The Work.